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Expectations Suck
Anna got out of the car this morning and headed into school limp and broken-hearted. She didn’t start out that way. She was bright-eyed and happy and chatty when she woke up. The soul crush was...
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I have to have it: Amway light-up lip gloss
Reblogged from Just one chick: How cool is this? My friend Chrissy was in town from San Francisco. Before we went to Lucali, we were at an event at the Darby Downstairs. When she whipped out her lip...
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Teachers Fighting in Church.
I received this e-mail yesterday… Dear Parents, Unfortunately there was an incident at the center this afternoon involving two teachers in a physical altercation. No children were involved or injured....
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I can’t blame him…
I mean, if I was a dude and I got my shit sliced, I’d be pissed also. For those of you catching up, my bunny got neutered on Tuesday. Sorry Hugh. I had it coming. I get it. No hard feelings. But no...
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Fretting is Dumb.
This tidbit helps me put any “mistake” I think I’ve made into perspective. It’s the visual companion piece to the genius words Tamiko always says when I’m spinning out or over-thinking. ”It’s not that...
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Mail Fail.
This might be the dumbest shit I’ve ever received in the mail. First of all, I don’t cruise. But I especially don’t cruise for $21,475, unless I own the boat when it’s over. I have no idea how I ended...
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Class War at Pet Supermarket?
The fancy non-feeder goldfish in the other tank must have rich parents, or connections with store management. Maybe they’re the 1%ers in fish land? But why are the goldfish in the feeder tank only...
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Battle of the Blogs: Don vs. Jules
This. Is. Amazing. Two awesome bloggers many of us follow, Don of all trades and Go Jules Go, have waged war over which is better: babies or dogs. You can see this spectacle from Don’s point of view...
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Dread of Household
There’s a spirit that seeps into your throat at night and sucks your soul out through your stomach and kills you. That’s the stuff 8 yo’s are telling each other these days to fuck each other up. That’s...
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Liebster Shenanigans
I’d rather eat a deep-fried turd than say anything about myself that doesn’t naturally come up in conversation. Therefore, the requirement to “post 11 facts about yourself,” and then “answer 11 more...
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Baggage Claim
These items were waiting for me when I got home tonight. I ordered them both myself, but I still felt my colon hiccup when I opened the box. It wasn’t because I live in fear of escaping a flaming house...
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Midsummer’s (gri)Eve
Photo credit: People magazine This is an almost fabulous ensemble for a Midsummer’s Eve fete, which reminds me I say I’m going to host one every year. If you’re ready to send out invites, this year’s...
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Prance-errific!
This video is beyond genius. The snarkhole in me is so overwhelmed I don’t even know where to begin. Maybe with Best Camel Toe in 100 years? The nice human in me actually loves this woman. If someone...
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Breadwinners whut?
If you want a surreal experience, do this: Photo credit: Corbis images Then find one of these: photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/people/42444189@N04/ Then sit down and watch this Fox panel on how...
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One Chicklette
Giant bear hugs and inappropriate sloppy kisses to One Chicklette for thinking I’m interesting enough to spotlight on twitter. I’m not sure what it means to be spotlighted (spotlit?), but I’m psyched!...
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Legends of Swearville
I wish there had been swearing tournaments in the 70′s. My parents would have dominated in singles and doubles, at the international level. They were swearing phenomenons. My mother ranked slightly...
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Little Ditty bout Bob and Dianne
…. two American kids doing all the drugs they can Thus . . . today is my birthday. Thanks for inviting me to the party. Y’all are the greatest.
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Leopard piss and chivalry
My dad and I were hurrying past the leopard cages on our way back to the bandstand when one of those giant cats unleashed a fountain of steamy urine right at my head. He shoved me out of the way and...
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Dobermans hate Lacoste.
Back-to-school shopping my third grade summer should have been a televised event sponsored by Lacoste. This materialistic extravaganza was made possible by the giant sea-faring drug-smuggler, my mom’s...
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Vacation Sex.
There’s been a some concern about my lack of vacation sex. Let me explain. 1. We have two children with us who are small, but not small enough to sleep in an apparatus that requires an adult to free...
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